What Do I Call It?
What can I say when I’ve fallen down a thousand times
Got up and just before the finish line
Fell again
You stand there
Taunting me
Telling me it’s supposed to be this way
I am supposed to fall
Bloody my knees
Hurt my back
Head aching
I’m not sure that it is
The color of life flows through love
Not pain
Where is the love in my life
Missing like a limb of my body
I can’t move it to make sure it’s there
Where is the love in my life
Dangling by an invisible string
Where is the love in my life
Where are you?
Is love taunting me?
Provoking me into insanity
Into insurmountable amounts of pain
What is love?
I can’t take it anymore
I am breaking
My mind is so brittle
Little chunks are falling off during the day
My mind receives nothing
Puts out nothing
Only autopilot exists
But whats on the other side of this taunt
A rock and a hard place is what I’m talking about
Here I am
About to die of pain
About to cease to exist
Sitting in cold water unknowing of love
As the other side beckons me
I wonder
What is on the other side
It’s been so long since I’ve been there
Is it possible for me to go back?
What is ahead of me
Other than nothingness
I feel nothing
I feel only pain
The journey to the other side
Seems to be calling me to hate myself
To look in my eyes and feel nothing but
Indecision
Disdain
Pity
And most of all
Despair
My oldest enemy and closest friend
Will I meet you there?
I have tried too hard to keep us apart
Every time your not there I feel some joy
Some sense of victory
Despair
What a challenge
What a friend
Is it possible to be one and the same
If only you would leave me alone
The breakfast of champions
Is it suffering
Despair
Ahhhh
All of life is an illusion
Except when it looks you dead in the face
Despair
I want to feel more
Maybe even stretch out on a limb
Despair
The strength is coming back to me
What a feeling!
Despair
And now here I am
Looking into your eyes again
How desperately I want to love you
Keep you by my side
Hold you tight
Make you feel safe
Ohhh despair
What a lonely face you have
What a bright smile
But fake all around
You have never known true feeling
You have never known any truth other than strength
Is there more to life than strength?
More than suffering and numbness
Someone please show me
I think I am about to die
Come back to me despair
You know I love you
-Zazzo
Zazzo's Well 