Who am I?

In my intellectual life. There seems to be a theme that I continually struggle with and come back to. “Nothing matters.” What is this “nothing matters”? How could something not matter and what does intellect have to do with it? It seems to me that most people do not question whether something matters or not. It is simply not important. So why is it important to me? Its because I want a mission in my life. A goal or end worth achieving, worth struggling for. Is it a justification for the pain of life or actually “nobility”? Not important for this discussion. My life is riddled with “it doesn’t matter” though. I want to chase my dreams and die in front of a symbolic statue but I am caught short handed by “nothing matters”. I think that things do have to matter or at least should for a healthy and realistically productive mind state. So I think that whether “nothing matters” actually matters or not is solved, it does indeed matter. Haha. We will stop here. God bless. My life is an existential crisis.