Tonight.

Tonight, I would like to write about my struggles. It has occurred to me that men in our society do not speak about their struggles with one another. So, that is what I will do now.

My Struggles

I struggle with my pain. I struggle with family pain. I struggle with emotional pain. Sometimes I push it down real deep to where I cannot find it anymore. I push it down so far that it comes out in ways disguised to me. I struggle with this culture of “quick sex”. I struggle to connect with women on an emotional level. I struggle to attract women. I struggle to allow my emotions to flow around women which makes me quiet and reserved. I struggle with addiction. I struggle to make healthy boundaries for myself. I struggle with my past. I struggle with what could have been, what might have been, and what may have been. I struggle with my mistakes. I struggle to accept my authentic self. I struggle with knowing who I am. I struggle with creating images of myself that are unrealistic and fake. I struggle with my relationships. I struggle with allowing others the space to speak. I struggle with leaving others emotions untouched and true. I struggle with giving people advice and acting like I have all the answers. I struggle with wanting things that I act contrary to. I struggle with sexuality. I struggle with knowing and accepting who I am sexually. I struggle with morality. I struggle with religion and its judgements of good and evil. I struggle with dealing with people less intelligent than myself. I struggle with my passion. I struggle with allowing passion to exist as my sole purpose when life is in reality very multi-faceted. I struggle with wanting to be the best at everything. I struggle with defeat. I struggle with not living up to my expectations. I struggle with being patient. I struggle with being brave. I struggle with knowing that I am not always right. I struggle with believing life has some special purpose for me. I struggle with being unique. I struggle with death. I struggle with the darkness that exists in life. I struggle with the amount of hate, ignorance, and greed, that is rampant in this world. I struggle to accept the beauty of life. I struggle to accept and find joy in my life. I struggle to leave things untouched and authentic. I struggle with wanting to take control of everything. I struggle with things that are messy. I struggle with my family relationships. I struggle with my friendships. I struggle with my personal relationship and capabilities. I struggle with failure. I struggle with not being enough. I struggle with actually not being enough. I struggle with rewarding myself. I struggle with rewarding myself with things that are harmful to me. I struggle with drugs and alcohol. I struggle with mental stability. I struggle with being honest in love. I struggle with being honest. I struggle with humility. I struggle with pride. I struggle with cowardice. I struggle.

-Zazzo