What I am about to express is very uncomfortable for men to express, amongst themselves, and amongst the larger society. It is for this reason that I am attempting to give voice something which is not generally welcome in social discourse.
In my experience as a man, I have felt little welcome, and would even go so far as to say that I have felt punished, by women, for expressing my feelings as a man honestly and genuinely. This is in contrast to the commonly held belief that men do not wish to express their feelings, or that they wish to live a life detached of emotion, because this life is apart of some male machismo which is necessary for the male ego. This belief may be true to an extent which many generalities are partly true. Still, I do not believe it is the primary factor determining or guiding this behavior of emotional neglect . What I am saying is that, women are more in control of men’s behavior than is commonly held in society. Perhaps, women are much more in control of male behavior than women would like to admit to themselves. And that men will change according to what the women in their lives need or can ask of them. This requires on part of the women some direct communication with the men in their life. And furthermore, requires the deep empathy and compassion which is required for any significant and meaningful emotional relationship.
I can say that as I man among men. I will continue to live as a man who expresses my feelings to myself and to those in my social circle. Regardless of degree of welcome attitude which I may receive.
Lastly, I would like to say that the reasons for this dynamic surrounding emotional disincentivization are many and most of these reasons are “good” reasons. Meaning, they have a reasonable and justifiable place in the course of human history. I do not wish to discuss such reasons for this is a quite lengthy and most probably philosophical discussion about human circumstance and evolution. Nonetheless, I believe this disincentivization, on the part of women, for an emotionally detached male experience, is a dynamic which is not necessary for societal existence in the modern world at least. And that, the shedding of such a social dynamic should be viewed as part of the larger realignment of gender roles which American society has been experiencing so intensely of late.
Zazzo's Well 